"Coon Hunter, Coon Hunter, Coon Hunter!"

Embattled Knox County Law Director Bill Lockett has a new ally in his fight to save his job, his reputation and his take-home county vehicle.

"It all came together for me last night," Lockett told Tabloid Boy correspondent Bob Woodward. "A few days ago, I was at redistricting meeting in which Lloyd Daugherty said Cas Walker would return from the dead if Sequoyah Hills was moved to the 9th District. By a weird coincidence, I started watching Candyman that night, you know the flick where that big-boobed chick, Virginia what's-her-name looks in the mirror and says 'Candyman?'" I figured, what the heck, so I went to my medicine cabinet mirror, said "Coon Hunter" three or four times, and danged if it didn't work! I heard somebody shuffling around in the kitchen, and walked in on old Cas looking for some Blue Band coffee. And here he is!"

Toting a healthy slice of watermelon and looking several pounds lighter than he did at his funeral, Cas came right to the point:

"I'm sticking by Bill. And anybody who gets in our way, well, we'll just beat hell out of 'em."

As he rushed to a breaking story on the question of who will succeed the Knox County Ethics Committee, recently discharged en masse by Ragsdale PR Dude Dwight Van de Vate, Woodward heard the twang of a banjo and the high falsetto of Lockett plugging away at the Farm and Home Hour theme song.

"For a lawyer, he wasn't half bad," Woodward reported. "But maybe he shouldn't quit his day j -- uh, never mind."