County leaders plan "re-enactment"

(My only excuse for this is that I just returned from a trip to Gettysburg. Just shoot me.)

Official sources confirmed today that the Ragsdale administration is making plans to re-enact the Budget Battle of 2008. Sheriff J.J. Jones has deputized all Ragsdale staff members so that they may carry handguns and muskets to the battle. Ragsdale spokesperson Dwight Van de Vate said live ammunition will be used for added realism.

"Blood may be spilled," Van de Vate said, "just as in the 2008 clash. The Pinkston Brigade has yet to recover from its valiant but doomed "2-Percent-Across-The-Board-Cut Charge" at Commissioner Ridge. Re-enacting our victory in '08 should give us a lot of confidence heading into this year's battle."

But the adminstration's plan to draft homeless men and women to play the roles of county commissioners is drawing fire from a number of quarters.

"The Ten Year Plan to end homelessness did not envision reducing homeless numbers with musket balls and grapeshot," said Knoxville Mayor Bill Haslam. "I urge Mayor Ragsdale to reconsider."

"Stonewall" Johnson, currently residing under the back porch of the Ragsdale residence, was furious when told of the plan.

"This is an insult to all homeless people," said Johnson. "We may be homeless, but not one of us would stoop to portraying a county commissioner. We'd never live it down!"

Commissioner Greg "Lumpy" Lambert also opposed the re-enactment, but on different grounds.

"There is a nationwide shortage of ammunition," Lambert said. "To waste gunpowder at a time like this, when the demand is going up thanks to the foresight of our state legislature, is absolutely criminal and un-American. Live rounds must be preserved for our parks and bars."

Knox County's Chief Financial Officer, John "Jeb" Troyer, dismissed Lambert's concerns.

"At commission's request, we've saved 1.5 million rounds of ammunition in the past fiscal year. There was enough left over to give every county employee a 500 cartridge bonus," Troyer said. 

PBA chief Dale Smith said he had not been consulted about the re-enactment, but he supported the plan for its educational value.

"It's important that we cherish our history," Smith said. "So many have fallen during the Seven Years War - Moore, Finch, Tramel, Werner - to name but a few, and it's appropriate that we honor them by reliving our history. They gave the last full measure of their county paychecks."  

Comments

[sclark426]

So welcome back, Tabloid Boy.