Ragsdale's Top Ten Justifications for P-Card Problems

10. John Werner did it. He's gone, so leave me alone!

9. We have to have receipts? Who knew?

8. Pinkston, Scoobie and Lumpy hired stand-ins for the Jan. 31, 2007 appointments meeting. During the meeting, the real Pinkston, Scoobie and Lumpy disguised themeselves as janitors and swiped the receipts while they were waxing the sixth floor hallway.

7. Migrant farm workers, most in the country illegally, pocketed the receipts after they broke in to the City County Building one weekend looking for Social Security numbers.

6. I could tell you what really happened, but then I'd have to kill you.  

5. It was aliens from outer space I tell you! Aliens! AIEEE! They're everywhere!

4. That's the last time I tell my staff, "Go on, have a good time. After all, it's your money." 

3.  George Bush takes 70 vacation days a year and I can't spend $300 for a decent meal? That's it! I quit!

2. Read my lips: no property tax increase. (Now, can't we just forget about these silly old audits?)

1. Audit? What audit? Nobody said anything about an audit when I signed on to this gig. I'll decide when we need an audit. That's right - I'm the decider.